Why You Can't Think Your Way Out - Your nervous system and unconscious mind are running the show (and how to actually make a difference)
- Kirsty Macdonald
- Apr 16
- 4 min read
The Missing Link: The Unconscious Mind and Nervous System Regulation
Often in the first few minutes of our first conversation, many of my clients tell me that that to some degree they consciously know what’s going on for them, but they still can’t change it.
They most probably have spent time on Google, read self-help books and discussed things with friends. They’ve often tried journaling to work out the connections, they’ve perhaps done a movement practice, danced, had bodywork. Often people have worked with other coaches or therapists, and still, something keeps pulling them back: for some it’s a particular tightness in the body, or a familiar fog that descends before something important. For some it’s a recurring argument with the same person, sleep disturbances, tiredness. The same hesitation at the same threshold.
And they arrive with me, saying it’s so frustrating. What am I missing?
Here's what I've come to understand, both through the science, through personal experience, and through years of doing this work: Things only change when we align the relationship between the conscious mind, the unconscious mind and the nervous system. Deep change only occurs when the push/pull stops and these elements have a positive and supportive symbiotic life together.
If you’ve already worked with me you will know that your unconscious mind is responsible for at least 90% of your experience (research shows the figure is probably higher than that, but we’ll take that for now). And the messages that your unconscious mind gives your nervous system are deeply important.
On the deepest level this comes down to Am I actually perceiving this situation as safe or unsafe?
Body and mind seeking safety together.
Here's some of the things that hijack the unconscious mind/nervous system symbiosis:
Social media showing you a stream of things that you haven’t actively chosen.
World news.
Being asked a question in an interview or a meeting that you can’t answer confidently.
SMS or WhatsApp messages that demand attention when you are already busy.
Someone being stressed in your direction.
Someone that looks or sounds like a parent or teacher that has frightened you or made you feel less than in some way.
A busy train with lots of noise and people.
An additional stressor that came out of nowhere.
Illnesses of people you love.
Pain.
These often boil down to the system of ‘you’ feeling overwhelmed, emotionally hijacked or out of control.
The problem: Consciously knowing something is going on is not enough to change it. The body and unconscious mind hold patterns that will undermine unless they are also paid attention to.
Your nervous system is not a background feature. It might feel ike you're consciously in control, but these two systems of your unconscious mind, plus your nervous system, are together ruling the show.
This is the operating system beneath everything - how you show up in meetings, how you respond when you're challenged, how safe you feel taking risks, how present you are in the moments that matter the most to you.
When you’re regulated, you have access to your full intelligence - your creativity, your warmth, your decisiveness. You can hold difficult conversations without shutting down or feeling stressed. You can take the leap without the body sounding every alarm.
When you’re dysregulated (even subtly) none of those resources are fully available to you. The brilliant strategy you mapped out in your journal or at your desk becomes impossible to access when you're standing in the room.
What nervous system dysregulation actually looks like
It doesn't always look like anxiety or overwhelm (although it definitely can). But more often it appears as:
Procrastinating on the thing you care most about.
Performing brilliantly in some rooms and going blank in others.
Feeling vaguely disconnected from your own life, even when things look good on paper.
Snapping at someone you love and not quite knowing why.
Being exhausted in a way that sleep doesn't seem to fix.
This is a collapse. But these aren't character flaws, they're signals, pointing something out to you.
Something you can try right now
The next time you feel something of this - the held or racing breath, some part of you tightening, braced shoulders, mental chatter accelerating - try this:
Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Take three slow breaths, lengthening the exhale so it's longer than the inhale. As you breathe, gently ask: Where am I holding tension right now?
Draw awareness down your body to the soles of your feet. Imagine yourself with your feet firmly on a loving, solid ground.
Body softening. Releasing. Just noticing.
This noticing is the beginning of change.
The nervous system does not respond to being analysed or overridden, but simply to being witnessed and settled. You bring somatic awareness and in turn, deep down inside of you, the unconscious mind begins to reframe what’s happening in a powerful and positive way. And when you bring gentle, non-judgemental attention to what's happening in your body, you begin to shift the pattern at the root.
The deeper work
I am a Cognitive Hypnotherapy Master Practitioner, Transformational Coach and Embodiment Expert. What I do with my clients goes much further than this into the specific imprints and patterns held in the body and the unconscious mind that shape how life is experienced and how they show up in it. But change begins by learning to come back to yourself, again and again, until that becomes the default.
Because when your nervous system learns that it's safe to be fully present, things really do begin to shift. You’ll notice it in how you feel in your body and in the decisions you make, how you relate, how you lead, your creativity, your sense of what’s possible. You will notice it in how others respond to you more positively, and in a greater flow of life around you.
That is the butterfly effect of this work.
If something in this touches you, I'd love to hear from you. Or if you're curious about working together, you're welcome to book a free initial conversation below.
With warmth,
Kirsty
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