Nervous System Stress. Why Modern Life Feels Overwhelming (And Why You’re Not the Problem)
- Kirsty Macdonald
- May 28
- 4 min read
So It's No Longer 1968...
Life Can Be A Lot Sometimes, but you are not the problem (and here's something that might help).
I have just finished a delightfully absorbing book by Patricia Highsmith - part of the Ripley series. Crime fiction is not at all my usual genre, but after seeing Steven Zaillian’s brilliant adaptation a few years ago, I also discovered Patricia Highsmith’s captivating writing. The book, the second in the series, is set in the late 1960s and describes a world that is largely lost to us - one of a greater simplicity and spaciousness around everyday tasks, personal relationships and work life.
The characters in the novel write letters and post them. They type on a typewriter, with little or no corrections. They place telephone calls with the operator, an actual person who lets them know that they will be connected soon. And they commonly wait half an hour to be told a line is available.
I was born in 1975. Long enough ago to remember something of a time like this, but isn't it amazing how dramatically things have changed? There is lots to celebrate, but we can't escape the fact that life has become fast. Very, very fast. And we now have the problem that things (tech, transport, ideas, working hours and pace etc.) have evolved around us quicker than our nervous systems have been able to keep up with. People are becoming more and more stressed, and stressed people perpetuate stress, creating systems and processes that are innately stressful.
To put it simply: As stressed people, we individually and collectively create a way of doing life that is actively harmful to our nervous system, and then wonder why we feel bad.
How to Avoid Nervous System Stress
So why are people so stressed? It is not a mystery why both our young and older people are all facing an ‘anxiety epidemic’. We're just not physiologically equipped for the pace of life around us just now, and every day we're collectively creating more of what’s not working.
Something to Hold Close
It is important to remember that ‘you’ is not the problem.
That doesn’t mean we can’t do things to help ourselves, but it does mean that stress, overwhelm, anxiety and fear are often a structural or practical problem before an emotional one.
One way to begin to make a difference is to actively choose something different for how you approach your own life.
Spaciousness is a keyword here.
Spaciousness delivers a pause and space to choose.
It gives permission to do differently.
It can gift an exhale and can deliver kindness to ourselves and to others.
It can help you to get off the treadmill and assess what’s needed next.
The Psychosynthesis Exercise That Helps Create Emotional Space
Roberto Assagioli, the creator of the Psychosynthesis, used what he called the dis-identification model, which I’ve adapted for my clients over the years but was helpfully reminded of recently.
Sitting with the spaciousness that can be created around these sentences can be very helpful. Perhaps check in to experience how they feel in your body:
I experience this stress, but I am so much more than this stress.
I have this feeling, but I am so much more than this feeling.
I have a body, but I am so much more than my body.
And then the question can perhaps come in: If I take a moment to rest in the fullness (or emptiness) of this ‘I’ that I feel myself to be, what more spaciousness might I experience?
And if I can rest more fully in the knowing of this, what could that mean for how I can choose to ‘do’ life with more of what nourishes me?
As human beings, we really are a collection of moments - and how we do this is how we create what’s next.
And there is so much more to enjoy of life when we learn how to do this more artfully.
We can’t go back to 1968 - and for a very many reasons, we wouldn’t want to, but we can decide to live life in a way that our nervous systems can handle.
We can take a moment to choose to reflect on what was actually helpful about waiting half an hour for a call rather than answering constant emails, WhatsApp messages, SMS’ and voice notes throughout every minute of every day.
We can do the work to shake off what’s not necessary (therapeutic and practical) and do more of what really works.
If something of this touches you, perhaps you’ve been feeling that something needs to change or that you’re carrying stress, overwhelm, or a sense that life is happening to you rather than through you - let’s have a conversation about what's possible.
The Transformational Therapy and Coaching work I do is about creating the conditions for what’s essentially you to emerge - and helping guide you towards how that you can live, work, relate and create from that place. There's no pressure and no obligation, just space to explore - which, as it turns out, is exactly where we will begin.
If you have any thoughts, questions, or reflections on any of this just reply to this email or book a free confidential conversation using the link below.
With warmth,
Kirsty
Transformational Coach, Therapist and Embodiment Teacher
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