A perspective on the importance of finding space in the moments
Tell me about yesterday.
The exact yesterday.
I bet, like mine, it was a day of moments. Did you create things for people? Did you create things for yourself? Maybe you were pulled this way and that. And was it in balance? A delight? A strain? Maybe it was a work in progress, a bit like mine. A mish-mash of life, because of course we are human; the humanness to be loved rather than negated if we are to create well in the world. As a healer, helper or leader, your inner system needs certain things in order to feel good and function well. You have an inner guidance system that teaches you to acknowledge what you need and guides toward how you can put more of what you need in place - simply and easily around all your other many commitments - because there are many of those aren't there? And did you know that it is actually because of them, not in spite of them, that we are who we are and we are driven to do what we do in the world in quite the way we do?
I also know what it is to burnout and what it is to recover and to learn to work with the body and mind to use that experience as a through-route to a more inspired way of living. For a long time I've taught others what I know from a toolbox that makes an enormous difference. And, because, maybe a bit like you, I'm also a living breathing human, and a mama, a partner to my husband and a teacher and healer to others, some days I have all the time in the world for the spaciousness of life, and often I don't. And so, in amongst the sounds and movement of the day-to-day, my constant practice is to pay attention to the beautiful moments that feed my soul. I like to collect mindful practices that make the difference and teach them to my clients who need them too.
And very often I find that it's in sharing the small moments of life that we put our hand up, say yes, this really is me too, and join a healing and empowering collective conversation with others on the path. The difference comes in how we ask for things where previously we might have put our heads down and been quiet, in where we learn what strategies are needed and celebrate all that we do for ourselves and for others. The difference that makes the difference is in how well we can be fully in the flow of life and begin to guide it towards creating space to breathe into more of what we are here to do - both for ourselves and for others.
So I can tell you about my yesterday too. It was a weekend day. A snapshot of life just as it was, remembered by my mind and my body as I recall it now.
Waking to the will I/won’t I of the teenage diary. Yes I will - I drive two hours to the school to collect my son and his friends. No problem, the sun is shining brightly, I can carve out space for myself to feel, to listen to what I need, to drink my takeaway coffee and absorb podcasts by people who have inspiration on their minds. Messages left for friends; can we have lunch, how are you and how are your hormones treating you?, How are the kids?
Chats with my mum: sick just now, but getting better thankfully.
Brush it away for now.
I always know when I’m near as a large car will dive right up behind me on narrow country lanes. I’m a city driver, cautious of unfamiliar bends. Irritating to the locals I’m sure.
Arriving at the school, the winding road up through the fields. No lambs yet, but such green. And today a blue sky. The first view of the crumbling old stately home. My little (6ft plus) boy inside looked after by passion, heart and soul. A rare school founded on love and philosophy and run with care.
Wheelie bags to the car. Too many teens for one space so we squeeze in tight.
Winchester - Anita’s and a park bench and buskers giving us a soundtrack of something almost recognisable.
So much laughter.
On the way home it rains so hard I miss my turning. Kids asleep and plugged into their music so I'm alone with my thoughts and low visibility rain. Happy rain. Thinking rain.
Clients on my mind. She needs this and they need that. An email I must send when my hands are free to type. Bookings to be made and ideas to bring to fruition. Remember, remember in the notebook of my mind. Question from the back thrown into the mix. I'm with you too. All of you, and this, and myself here, and the rain.
Once I cried on a treadmill as my trainer told me to run harder. My body/mind said no. I got off and said I needed to stop. I took time to reflect on the task of being a woman. Running more wasn't needed. Stillness was. It isn't easy to create what we need. It isn't yet culturally accepted to put yourself first. But to feel good is essential if we are the ones leading, helping and healing others. We need certain things that include space and time to breathe, and a deep love and appreciation for ourselves. And when we have those we can perform miracles out there in the world.
So when I ask, tell me about your day, does it include time for you? Even small moments to pause and reflect and exhale and to gift yourself somehow? Because to lead or help others in any capacity, we have to start from here, deep inside where we live. And give out from a nurtured home base that is ourselves.
This autumn, amongst the warmth of the Andalucian sunshine and the beauty of the olive groves, I am hosting a small retreat at our place in Spain. It will be a chance to rest and revive, to explore what it happens in the space of reconnection to yourself and to others more fully, and from that place, how you can take back an inspired difference into your life. You can find out more here. If it calls to you I'll look forward to meeting you and maybe we can share a day or two.
Coaching and Therapy for Healers and Helpers